ahh i haven't been doing devotionals!! busy studying? trying to study? well just so you know i'm not skipping THAT much, i'll be gone from the 8th to the 17th, so no posts then. but i promise i will keep up reading!! ^^;;

today's passage: romans 7

Paul continues to talk about sin and evil vs. good and righteousness. i really liked this chapter because i feel like paul really voiced my own thoughts about sins. remember when i was very bothered by the fact that i still felt enslaved to sin, especially regarding my Golf Dilemma? well, here, paul describes his own struggles with the morality of his actions. i must warn you, dear reader, that i will be quoting a lot today :-) but mainly because i love the way he puts these ideas into words:

for what i do is not the good i want to do; no, the evil i do not want to do--this i keep on doing. now if i do what i do not want to do, it is no longer i who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. so i find this law at work: when i want to do good, evil is right there with me. for in my inner being i delight in God's law; but i see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. (v. 19-23)

i liked that passage because it reminded me that i am not alone.. that i'm not the only one who often felt helpless about the sinful state that i'm in. but the important thing paul reminds us of is that the reason we even recognize anything as being "sinful" or "bad" is because of God's righteous laws. "...but in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful." (v. 13) this made sense. if there were no laws, how can you say someone is breaking the law? if God gave us no commandments, how can we say that we are sinning?

but the most encouragement i got from paul in this chapter is what follows the long passage above. from v. 24:

what a wretched man i am! who will rescue me from this body of death? thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord! so then, i myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (v. 24-25)

wow.. reminds me of when one of Jesus' disciples (i forgot which one) prayed that even though his body is weak, his spirit is strong, and he prays that God will help him. i think he was falling asleep during long prayers or something like that. so God will "rescue us from this body of death." but it all requires faith... hmm... faith.

k. very tired. g'night!

today's passage: romans 6

first i need to talk about what i heard from our potential new english pastor at church on friday night. his message really hit me, because he described exactly the condition i'm in, or realize i've been in. first he asked how many of us have been to church for as long as we lived. i wasn't one of them, but pretty close.. i was baptized pretty young. he reminded us that we are not saved just because our parents were saved. we need to really have accepted Christ as our own personal savior. he painted a picture of us entering heaven... that was pretty funny. but he said that our parents can't be holding our hands, standing before God saying, "yeah God, these are my children, and you know, since i was saved, can you just let them come in with me?" that's not gonna happen. God's gonna say, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!" (Matthew 7:23) so he told us that we have to really believe God for ourselves, not just because our parents told us to, not because our church counselors told us to. but we have to believe with our own minds. so that was semi-encouraging, because my questions now will hopefully lead to my second acceptance of Christ. cuz old Christians can get numb, you know, being in a church doing church-ly things. but pastor Holland also said that just because you go to church doesn't make you a Christian; just like going to McDonald's doesn't make you a big mac. hehe.. i really liked his message. but he doesn't look like the undertaker to me... (inside joke)

anyway, onto paul's message for me today. i thought that his discussion of being "dead to sin, alive to Christ" was very useful to me personally, especially with my Golf Dilemma (ricky's analogy). Paul here talks about how born-again Christians are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness. "but thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted." (v. 17) this is the part that makes me worried. although i call myself a Christian, sometimes i feel enslaved to sin. especially with the Golf Dilemma. so am i not really a true Christian? but everyone sins! my license plate frame says, "Christians aren't perfect... they're just forgiven!" ok, so you can sin and still be a Christian, because you have been forgiven. so what makes someone who says they're Christian yet repeatedly sins different from someone who's a true Christian but still sins? believing in God doesn't make you not sin... so how is anything different? i myself doubt that i'm like what Paul described to be a "slave to righteousness." i especially don't feel righteous at this point in my life.

"do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. for sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." (v. 13-14) Paul is once again being very optimistic about Christians. a person who has already been "born again" is still prone to sin, and so they will, at some point or another, "offer the parts of their body as instruments of wickedness." i see it happen every day! how can i count myself dead to sin, and alive to Christ??

Paul brought up a very good point about our old selves. God tells us that sin results in death, so "what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?" (v. 21) i cannot answer that question.. pleasure? no, at least only temporary, because how can you feel good about doing something wrong? although.. to recognize something as "wrong" or "bad" you'd have to have some way of defining your behavior. now if you want to live in accordance with God's rules, you have to take his definitions of good and evil, which are in the Bible, which you can't do if you don't wholly agree or believe. and even if you do agree that something is indeed bad or immoral, there's still the issue of actually RESISTING the temptation. which, as we can see from all the sins still committed by Christians, doesn't always work out. hence the dilemma. still, this is somewhat encouraging and worth looking forward to: "but now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (v. 22-23)

today's passage: romans 5

i really liked this chapter. even though Paul didn't exactly solve my problem of faithless-ness, i still thought he summed up some things very well for me. he talked about how rarely anyone will want to die for a righteous man, but that God "demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (v. 7-8) i thought that was a good reminder of what God did for us, because often times we take it for granted that we are even alive on this Earth right this instant. but come to think of it, we HAVE to take things like that for granted, or else we'll be always caught up in admiring or appreciating everything that we won't be able to get on with our lives. i guess you just gotta try to find a good balance for everything. don't sit and dream all day that you never get anything done, and don't work work work all the time that you gave up your whole life and never really lived. anyway, moving on.

Paul has some very interesting perspectives of sin. "...just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (v. 21) i thought that to understand the book of romans up to this point, the reader has to agree with Paul on one point - that we are all sinners. if you don't think you're a sinner and deserve to die, then you won't be able to take in anything that Paul is trying to say. this concept of original sin seems to be what Christianity revolves around. the fact that we sinned, and Jesus died for us, and that if we believe in him and repent, God will forgive us of our sins and we get to go to Heaven and have eternal life. this all seems so very simple; i've known all this years and years ago. but as i mentioned before, i'm re-thinking all of this now. why does this "redemption" of our sins even have to exist? is there some sort of equation that needs to be balanced, that when people sin, someone must pay for it? let's assume that all humans are imperfect, and therefore all sinners. so what if we sinned? why did Jesus have to die for us? can't there just be sin, and no redemption? i guess that's what i'm puzzled about...

let's close with a very very nice verse that i really liked. this doesn't have to apply to Christians, although it is in accordance with Christians' beliefs (duh it's Paul). it's verse 3-4: "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." doesn't that remind you of college crap? in this case, "suffering" refers to studying, it produces perseverance and character becuz after junior year, i believe we've all developed our own ways of looking at our achievements. and finally, as it all comes to an end, we have hope that as we move onto college, we will discover more about ourselves and our surroundings. aw, what a nice verse. maybe i'll try memorizing it. ^_^

today's passage: romans 4

today's focus was partly on the law, but mostly on faith. this is an interesting aspect. Paul talked about righteousness being credited to certain people not by the work they have done, but by the faith that they have in Jesus Christ. this sentence is a good representative of the basic meaning of the chapter: "The words 'it was credited to him' were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness--forus who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." (v. 22-24) Paul used Abraham as an example, how God called him righteous even BEFORE his circumcision. i thought Paul's strong de-emphasis on circumcision in these few chapters are interesting. whereas the Old Testament made circumcision sound like a solemn and must-do business, Paul talks of it like it is little more than an operation. i guess he's just trying to emphasize the fact that it is not what we DO that counts, it's our faith/belief in God that makes us who we are in His eyes. becuz we believe in salvation through grace, not works right? this is why it's such a relief that Christians don't have to be perfect saints. oops that was redundant. saints ARE perfect. wait, if no one is perfect, then no one is a saint, but why are there so many saints still? :-/

well i guess if i don't really have a strong faith now, that probably means i'm extremely un-righteous in God's eyes. but this faith, this strange way of believing something beyond our scope of imagination that Paul mentions, how do you get it? and if you do have it, is it a good thing? is it blind? if it is, then shouldn't we not be blinded by "faith" but be open to the truth? will we ever know the truth? or is the pursuit just as valuable? but if you saw proof and THEN believed, it's not called faith anymore, that's called a rational conclusion deducted from logical, legitimate proof.

but i must say, whether or not Christians have believed in the "right" thing, whatever it is we live by certainly made our lives better in more ways than one. we don't need to be worried, becuz we know someone up there is watching over us. we know His ways are better than ours, and i guess if i really was a good Christian, i wouldn't be so worried about colleges right now. becuz there really is nothing to worry about. just do your best, and God will take care of the rest. isn't that how it's supposed to be?

today's passage: romans 3

arghs. i'm getting impatient with Paul's long discussion about how bad humans are. i think i got the point already from his previous two chapters. but oh well. so the third chapter, once again, talks about how no one is righteous. but he brought up an important point in this chapter, which is that "our unrighteousness brings out God's righteousness more clearly..." (v. 5) i agree with this. my mom and i have also talked about this before. it is when we are weak that God is glorified, becuz only when we are at our wit's end are we going to ask God for help, and only when we sincerely pray for help can God really help us, and maybe we can appreciate it. so i guess this part makes sense.

there's a verse that i really liked from this chapter, becuz i think it sums up the basic Christian doctrine pretty well all in one sentence: "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justifed freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (v. 23-24) ok so that was two verses, not one. anyway, there are numerous places in the Bible where they remind us that Jesus saved us becuz he died for us sinners. like john 3:16 - for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. i hope i quoted that correctly from memory.. heh i still remember that time when i was still so little, sitting in Sunday school, memorizing that verse over and over again. man, did i even know what i was doing back then??

since Paul keeps on talking about how God presented Jesus as a "sacrifice of atonement," i think it is a good time to write about my lack of compassion for the whole Jesus-died-on-the-cross incident. i don't know, it just all seems so.. distant and.. unrelated to me! i'm sure if i saw it happen i would have been terrified and even ashamed. but it happened two thousand years ago, and some don't even agree that it did happen. those who agree that it happened may also argue that Jesus wasn't the son of God and therefore did not have any divine powers. i've heard the story so many times i feel like i'm numb to it. so during communion i was always puzzled at why people get so worked up every single Sunday about something which happened two thousand years ago, which probably didn't happen anyway. i guess i'm missing out. maybe they're experiencing something that is way beyond my realm of comprehension. but then again, many things are beyond me, and i have no response to such things except asking "why."

today's passage: romans 2

in this chapter, Paul talked a lot about the law - those who follow it, those who break it, and those who pass judgement on others but actually break the law themselves. this reminds me of the time when Jesus defended the poor woman who was about to be stoned to death by saying let he who has not sinned cast the first stone, and no one moved. i find myself to be judging others sometimes, even though i myself have made mistakes, and probably did worse. "So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" (v. 3) this is a good reminder for us, not to "criticize the splinter" in someone else while a huge "plank" is in our own eyes. argh or something like that. i liked that comparison.

Paul also spent a big part of the chapter talking about circumcision. how if you're physically circumcised but you break the law, you're no better than one who is uncircumcised and yet follows the law. i don't understand why it's so contradictory tho. in the old testament, it kept stressing how you MUST be circumcised within so-and-so days, or else something really really bad happens. so why is it that in the new testament, circumcision doesn't seem to have such utmost importance?

k. that's it for tonight.

p.s. i will be doing this at random times. romans 1 could actually be counted as sunday's, not mondays. oh well.

Today's passage: Romans 1

basically, paul is writing to the church in Rome, and the entire book is his letters to Rome. that is why it's named Romans i guess. i wonder why they had all those nice long encouraging letters to these churches back then. well, it's very encouraging to read in the year 2002. so it still applies.

the subtitle "God's wrath against mankind" explains it all. most of the chapter paul talked about how wicked mankind is, and how God has given them over to all sorts of sins. from lust and committing indecent acts to "envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossips, slanders, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful..." (v. 29-30) i myself am made to feel shameful about all my sins, from just reading all the things that Paul kept listing in his letter. most of those horrible qualities he just mentioned i have often felt describes me. so does this mean God has given me over to all those sins?? Paul kept mentioning that they still do it even though they know that God is the only true god: "Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." (v. 32) wow! that is very very true. i've seen that happen with my own eyes so many times. but why do we still do these things even though we believe in God? i'm in the middle ground right now, but there are so many fervent Christians who have fallen. and fallen quite deeply, i must say. you know one thing, yet you do another. how can we connect our mind and our bodies?

Paul spent a whole paragraph talking about "unnatural relations," i think he was referring to homosexuality. "Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion." (v. 26-27) are you thinking what i'm thinking? this is very severe the way Paul talked about homosexuality. but what about those who cannot control what they feel? there's been a lonnng debate about this subject, and like most debates in the world, there is no definite conclusion. but doesn't this make homosexuals further from believing in God, becuz they are automatically "huge" sinners, according to the Bible?? isn't this an even greater obstacle for the homosexuals, becuz before they have even begun to get close to God, they have been cast out due to their sexual orientation? are you to force them to be attracted to members of the opposite sex? that doens't seem right... so if they can't be homosexual and Christian at the same time, but they can't control their orientation, then does that mean they're simply not meant to be Christians? why why why?

ricky told me to bring my Bible and my questions on Sunday. i hope that through God and friends like ricky i can learn more and figure out what this whole Christianity business is about. all over again. becuz i certainly didn't take it all in seven years ago when i accepted Christ. i pray that God will help me keep this blogspot holy and un-hypocritical. that even though it's a public online thing that i will still be able to write out everything i want without feeling obligated to write a certain way just becuz i think i'm supposed to. and i pray that God will continue to shed light on what i'm reading, becuz if He never worked in my life, i don't think i will even pick up this Bible. that's it for tonight. may God strengthen me. g'night!!

welcome to shellie's somewhat more spiritual (hopefully) blogspot! the purpose of this blog is not for me to just blab about my life, that's the blue one. this is where i will write about what i have read in the Bible on each day. why am i doing this? becuz i realized that the best way to learn about Christianity is to read the Bible, since i have been so skeptical about everything lately. if God is indeed there, then He will teach me lessons through the things i read. if you read about this new blog from "i've got the blues," then you will know that this is the result of my losing faith. seeing as how i can't seem to accept anything people tell me lately, i will simply have to find out for myself. so, if it is God's will, then i will hopefully gain lots of insight and strengthen my faith through doing my devotional and then posting it on the blog. oh yeah, i'm "digitalizing" my spiritual journal becuz i love blogging, and hopefully this will help me keep it up. heh.. if you got any questions or comments/advice, you can link back to "i've got the blues" and post something there or IM me!